The Date From.....

I've been thinking about this one for a while....

  Couple Saturday's ago I went on a date. Not just any date; a first date. The date where you're not sure how it's going to go. Are you going to be a total tool and louse tings up? Are things going to go so great that the night just magically flies by with the calm smoothness of a Stanley Jordan guitar solo? Is it going to be a raging disaster? DING We have a winner!

  Let me give some back ground. This date was in essence a "hook up" date. What do I mean? Someone we both knew put us in touch thinking we'd be a good fit. It wasn't a blind date per se; we had previously met at a social gathering, however briefly, but there was no over extended conversation other than "nice to meet you" and the ever present Dan salutation "take care" as I was leaving.

  As the third party decided to "hook us up" by giving out our respective numbers to one another, we did have a few extended text and phone conversations that were the ordinary get to know you Q&A sessions that new folks generally have in said situations. All in all they were pleasant experiences, but with my usual omnipresent skepticism well entrenched as usual.

  Now some of you are thinking "Dan? If you have skepticism going in, how are you ever going to find someone?" Well, my skepticism has rarely let me down and as you read on, you'll see why...

  During our conversations we covered a bevy of personal choices, opinions and topics in the prototypical manner humans do to get to know each other. We covered sports, hobbies, movies, political correctness, right on down to families. I explicitly stated that I am very liberal with most forms of verbiage. I do not get offended by the use of most lingo, whether I use them or not, because I understand that most people do not mean said words to be meant as harmful. But there are certain words, phrases or jokes I do not use, do not like to be used around or to me and will confront someone if they are used. I made it a point to give the example of the word Retarded. I informed the date, that I have people in my life, both family and friends that are special needs individuals and I do not under any circumstance, think the use of that word (however entrenched in the lexicon it has become) is in any way cute, funny or acceptable. She agreed totally with me on the phone. (Store this scenario for later)

  Another thing that was pointed out clearly to her was, I can not, under any circumstances text or talk during work hours yet daily she'd text me, countless times while at work and then followed them up with the standard (and people who know me, know how much I so love being pestered) "You mad?" "You Busy?" "Why aren't you replying to me?" Another point of contention with me to feel skeptical. But I'm willing to over look it as maybe just a case of, me being picky.

  As you can see, I wasn't getting the "vibe" from this woman, I wasn't really feeling a connection and in my mind I wasn't thinking it would become of anything, but (yes there's the but) she kept bringing up going on a date to me so finally I agreed. I figured, maybe I'm just being cynical? We set up a date. Simple enough. If it doesn't go well, that will be the end of it, right?

  The date started off on the wrong foot. The place I picked was hidden in a giant strip mall that neither of us could find. We talked on the phone while searching and end up being almost next to one another in the lot looking for the place. Next, we get out of our respective cars, exchange pleasantries and I call the place to get more concrete directions. Ends up the place is right there; sort of hidden behind a row of trees that most people would have missed. Being the polite gentleman I am, I offered to drive her over to the place. She agrees, gets in my car and the first words out of her mouth is about how filthy my vehicle is! Um yeah, there is maybe a dozen or so dust particles on my dash that just about every car has in it; other than those, it's spotless. Offended but jokingly passing it off, I say I left my sham-wow at home to which she says this in reply: I told you people call me "the bitch" at work...

  Alright. This date is off to a flying start!

  Trudging on. We have a decent meal, talk & watch some of the football game. After the dinner, I asked what she would like to do? I'm big on mutual agreement. I don't want someone to have to do something they wont like. She says she doesn't care. Okay, I prepared for that, I had a few things in mind. There was a movie theatre right there; we could take in a movie. There was a mall we could walk through, talk & people watch. There was even a little bar where we could go to & have a drink, listen to some music and continue our evening. All suggestions I put forth was greeted with the same reply: "Meh"

  Alright, as we walk to the car my mind is thinking "what in the hell does she want to do?" when she suddenly steps off the sidewalk and on to the parking pavement and states the following "I really need to be looking up at you" I said: Excuse me? Because, honestly I didn't understand. She said "You told me you were six foot tall." Yes? I am, give or take a quarter inch. Then she says: "You must be shrinking in your old age, because I'm 5'11" & I'm taller than you" REALLY? Okay.... That was enough to set me off but I didn't. Then she steps back up on to the sidewalk and wants to stand side to side with me to see who's taller? What are we, 13? (for the record I was a bit taller)

  At this point I decide the date is over. Being bitchy about the "dirty car" is one thing. Mehing all of the ideas I had suggested for things to do is another; but acting like we are pre-teens having a pissing contest over who's taller? Yeah, this is why I have my skeptical brain! I drive her back to her car; sit in mine for a while talking. She makes the comment "We just going to sit here in the car or are we going to do something?" I reply (now pissed, but stoic) You didn't seemed too interested in what I chose to do; if you have an idea, I'd love to hear it. *crickets*

  The date ends there. Being the gentleman I am, I walked her to her car, gave her a hug and told her to be careful on the way home. I get "I bet you'll be home before me" I said: Excuse me? She replies "I bet we're closer to your house than mine, so you'll be home first." I answer: No, actually I picked this place because it is the exact mid-point between our houses. She says "Yours is highway, mine will be stop & go"...

  You'd think that's the end right? Oh No! I get a text as I'm driving home: You home yet? I reply: No. She then says "text me when you get there" *eye roll* Okay, will do! 20 minutes later, I text: "I'm home?" She replies: I bet you've been home for a while. I just pulled in my driveway. REALLY? I didn't reply. The next day she tests me a forwarded group text joke about it being National Retard Day (remember I said earlier to store that scenario I wrote about) That so offended me that I (Dan, the guy who is never a loss for words) didn't even know how to reply to it. That text offended two of my friends that don't even have special needs people in thier lives!

  Later that day, I sent a text telling her how I thought that joke she sent me was in very bad taste and how it totally offended me. Do you know what I got in reply? "How was your day sweetie?" WTF? I replied by saying "Thanks for going on the date but I don't think we are a good fit" To that I got: You going to bed? I thought we might talk on the phone? I texted back: I don't think we can talk anymore. We just aren't the same type of people. good luck to you....

  I didn't hear anything more from her until the other night at 1:05am as I was driving home from work and she calls me. I answered: Hello? "Hey Baby!" Ugh! I reiterated to her all of the issues I had from the date & how offensive the text was & repeated that I didn't think her and I talking anymore would work. She said: "Well I told you I was a bitch. Okay?" I then said "Thanks for the date, you take care" & hung up the phone.

  So in the end, my skeptical brain prevails again. And although it has failed me in the past, more times than not, it is dead on. Chalk up another life lesson and another wasted $60 on a pointless date. Ya know, Alanis Morrissette is right, you really do live and learn!