Since the New Year began, there have been odd goings on here in the homestead. Not odd like Tim Conway digging a hole in the floor to film a "Dorf on..." video but odd none-the-less. I'm not really concerned about what is happening as I am puzzled by the items that are involved; it's mysterious and quiet frankly, weird.
Last week I came home to things strewn all over the house. That, in and of itself is not odd, but I asked the roommate if he set the chex mix bowl my sister had given me by my bedroom door? He claims that he did not. So somehow it went from the kitchen counter, around a corner & down the hallway to my door. All in all about 20 feet.
The next day, he asks me if I went in to his room and grabbed a bottle of pills he had? I assured him, I hadn't. Going in his room is something I do not do. It's like going in Quagmire's house on Family Guy; you never know what you're going to find in there. It also has an odd smell, like I imagine it would smell inside a tauntaun. "And I thought they smelled bad.... *Shanteresque Pause* on the outside" Again, strange, but just chalked it up as an odd happenstance.
The very next morning, I get up, begin to prepare the coffee maker and somehow, the coffee filters are missing? I look all over in case somehow they got moved without my knowledge. I looked everywhere and could not find them. Still, I just assume they were moved & I just couldn't find them, so I go about my day. When I get get home, I enter the house through the back door, which enters to the laundry room, then in to the kitchen and I notice the coffee filters at the end of the counter next to the toaster oven, some 6 feet and over the sink from where they usually are right next to the coffee pot. I ask the roommate again; he insists he has not touched them. Hmm?
Enter this morning. I get up, start coffee maker, brush teeth, shower, get dressed, etc. Go out to the kitchen to grab the first cup of the morning. Pour it in my cup, add a pack of equal, go to grab the non-dairy creamer..... No creamer! There was a full one there. I had just opened it a few days previous so I knew it wasn't gone and I'm the only one who uses it so it is always sitting next to the coffee maker.
As previously, I look everywhere for the creamer to no avail. I looked in places that creamer would never be, like the freezer, the bathroom, the watch pocket of a suit I haven't wore in 20 years and it was (and still is) gone!
People know I'm in the paranormal field and have experienced some crazy things throughout my research but never have I experienced anything like this before. If there is a spirit involved, it is most definitely an evil entity because you do not, DO NOT mess with my morning coffee routine! I'll proton pack its ass back to the nether regions to get my morning coffee.
Logically you'd think my roommate is pulling a trick on me but 1) It isn't his style 2) something of his has come up missing and 3) things are not just disappearing, they moving and he doesn't have enough "straight man" in him to keep a straight face about it if he did. So I guess if it continues to happen, I'll have to set all the equipment up, kick the roommate out for a night and do a full on investigation.
Stay Tuned!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Too Soon!
In the wake of the Iowa thingy majigger we have officially kicked off the 2012 Presidential race and good god am I sick of it already! Who do I blame for this headache? Al Gore? Minnie Pearl? Dame Judith Anderson? No. I blame you, news outlets! All of you, Fox, ABC, NBS, CBS, NPR... Everyone of them. Of course I also blame social media, Hollywood, and for some reason Crest Cavity Creeps for this.
Remember the good ole days when a candidate would stand on a stump, give his stance and if you weren't there then you didn't have to hear it? Yeah, I miss those old days. One, sometimes two speeches, then you had a decision to make. Now you get months of conjecture, blabbing, bald-faced lies (well we had them before) in-fighting, counter points, debates, news specials, countdowns, reiterations, accusations, people from the past holding a deep dark secret, and for some reason someone dug up Harry Reasoner.
We need politics. I hate to say that but, we do. If we didn't have it, then the same four people would just get elected over and over agai..... Umm, moving on; without politics we wouldn't have the choices we do.
The problem is that the election process has gone from a civil debate on the issues to an all out episode of Springer that lasts for 18 months and in the end you, as the voter are sitting there waiting for Maury to open the manila envelope and tell us if we are or are not the father vis a vis making the right choice.
All I'm asking for is a more orderly process. I've given up on believing promises that will inevitably be broken by both sides. The system is not only broke but it seems to be skipping the same utter drek over and over and over and... well you get the point.
My fix is simple: Come October, figure out the two (ish) people running. We don't need it to heat up as early as August primaries; most people know who they're voting for by then anyway. So shorten it to a month before the election, have your debates, your commercials and your tours; then the first Tuesday in November, let us all vote. Win or lose, we get what we voted for.
And for the love of the maker, leave the maker out of your speeches. He/she/it doesn't give a damn about who wins or loses. Plus, he/she/it is too busy trying to figure out how to forward a text pic of some drunk guy Tebowing on a cloud in front of Jesus' place to Gabriel to care.
Remember the good ole days when a candidate would stand on a stump, give his stance and if you weren't there then you didn't have to hear it? Yeah, I miss those old days. One, sometimes two speeches, then you had a decision to make. Now you get months of conjecture, blabbing, bald-faced lies (well we had them before) in-fighting, counter points, debates, news specials, countdowns, reiterations, accusations, people from the past holding a deep dark secret, and for some reason someone dug up Harry Reasoner.
We need politics. I hate to say that but, we do. If we didn't have it, then the same four people would just get elected over and over agai..... Umm, moving on; without politics we wouldn't have the choices we do.
The problem is that the election process has gone from a civil debate on the issues to an all out episode of Springer that lasts for 18 months and in the end you, as the voter are sitting there waiting for Maury to open the manila envelope and tell us if we are or are not the father vis a vis making the right choice.
All I'm asking for is a more orderly process. I've given up on believing promises that will inevitably be broken by both sides. The system is not only broke but it seems to be skipping the same utter drek over and over and over and... well you get the point.
My fix is simple: Come October, figure out the two (ish) people running. We don't need it to heat up as early as August primaries; most people know who they're voting for by then anyway. So shorten it to a month before the election, have your debates, your commercials and your tours; then the first Tuesday in November, let us all vote. Win or lose, we get what we voted for.
And for the love of the maker, leave the maker out of your speeches. He/she/it doesn't give a damn about who wins or loses. Plus, he/she/it is too busy trying to figure out how to forward a text pic of some drunk guy Tebowing on a cloud in front of Jesus' place to Gabriel to care.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Gibberish
In keeping with my desire to write more in 2012, today's post is all about...... Yeah, I got nothin! But, I was prepared for days like these. People that know me, know I am an information junkie. I always seem to crave learning facts, tidbits & knowledge about the inane things. Example: I can be watching TV, I dunno, lets say Airwolf? While watching, I'll think... man that Jan-Michael Vincent guy sure looks like he just bit in to whole lemon. I wonder if he's had plastic surgery? So I'll look it up.
Why do I need to know such information? Who am I? The useless knowledge Alex Trebek? It's a wonder to me that I crave such information. Recently someone asked me if I sleep with a TV or radio on? I told them I have too because my brain is so active that I need something to distract it so I can sleep. Doesn't always work. Usually I have to be so exhausted that the rest of my body is like Patton & my brain is like the soldier he slapped by saying "go to sleep damn it, and take hill 19 while you're at it" in order to fall to sleep.
But there I go getting all sidetracked. What was this post about? Oh. Yeah. Nothing! Bottom line, I crave information. I need it. It's like food for my brain; but it can't be just any information, it has to be something of interest to me. Like whether or not Jan-Michael Vincent has had plastic surgery! Gorilla Monsoon used to call Bobby Heenan a "fountain of misinformation" and I may just be a fountain of useless knowledge. I'm the Bobby Fischer (chess legend, born in 1943) of useless knowledge. Well maybe not that good... maybe more of the David Soul (also born in 43) of useless knowledge, sans the skin tight corduroys that is.
In the end, it's who I am. A master of nothing yet a king of the obscure, sort of. I enjoy it, I enjoy being that person that people turn to when they think "Dan would know this" and after all, isn't that all life (a magazine that was originally a humor magazine from 1883 to 1936) is all about?
Why do I need to know such information? Who am I? The useless knowledge Alex Trebek? It's a wonder to me that I crave such information. Recently someone asked me if I sleep with a TV or radio on? I told them I have too because my brain is so active that I need something to distract it so I can sleep. Doesn't always work. Usually I have to be so exhausted that the rest of my body is like Patton & my brain is like the soldier he slapped by saying "go to sleep damn it, and take hill 19 while you're at it" in order to fall to sleep.
But there I go getting all sidetracked. What was this post about? Oh. Yeah. Nothing! Bottom line, I crave information. I need it. It's like food for my brain; but it can't be just any information, it has to be something of interest to me. Like whether or not Jan-Michael Vincent has had plastic surgery! Gorilla Monsoon used to call Bobby Heenan a "fountain of misinformation" and I may just be a fountain of useless knowledge. I'm the Bobby Fischer (chess legend, born in 1943) of useless knowledge. Well maybe not that good... maybe more of the David Soul (also born in 43) of useless knowledge, sans the skin tight corduroys that is.
In the end, it's who I am. A master of nothing yet a king of the obscure, sort of. I enjoy it, I enjoy being that person that people turn to when they think "Dan would know this" and after all, isn't that all life (a magazine that was originally a humor magazine from 1883 to 1936) is all about?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Ever Since. A historically accurate guide through history... Kind of
Leading up to 2012, many historical events occurred on December 31st that helped shaped the world in to the planetary society we are today. Let's take a few moments and review a few & reflect on where it is that we, as carbon based lifeforms screwed it all up ;)
- Someone decided two thousand twelve years ago today, forget the previous 4 billion, lets start counting the years tomorrow.
- In 406: 80,000 Vandels attack the Rhine at Mainz & thus the first usage of "Get off my lawn you damn hooligans" was recorded
- 1492: 100,000 Jews expelled from Sicily which didn't turn out to be a big deal because thanks to Columbus' discovery that same year, they relocated to Boca Raton.
- 1669: France & Brandenburg sign secret treaty and a concerto was born.
- 1711: Duke of Marlborough fired as English army commander. Keeping with his military training, he moved to America and started killing people with cancer.
- 1841: Alabama becomes the first state to license dental surgeons. Early the following year, the last dentist closes its door due to lack of business.
- 1879: Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting. The following day, whales around the world breathed a sign of relief
- 1907: For 1st time a ball drops at Times Square to signal new year; Dick Clark hosted the event.
- 1961: Kennedy & Khrushchev exchange holiday greetings... and wives.
- 1993: Loveboat actress Jill Whelan weds. No joke here; just when was the last time you heard that name?
- 1999: Panama takes control of the canal from the United States. They immediately filled it in and said "We don't even like boats; we asked for a camel!"
- 2011: Some idiot takes true historical events and spins them in to a lame attempt at humor that makes Carrot Top's material look like Shakespeare in comparison
Friday, December 30, 2011
Years End. A Dream?
Another year, another dollar..... That I wasted on a malamar bar & a forty of Colt 45. Whatta ya gonna do?
Three things are certain to happen over the next 48 hours:
1) People will look back on 2011 and scour over the years good and bad events like Marla Gibbs cleaning George Jefferson's stove, sassy insults included
2) People will inevitably make a resolution to improve upon something in their life that goes the way of Cop Rock & probably as quickly
3) Some schmuck will inexplicably hit one out of the park and wakes up New Years day next to a woman so far out of his league that he feels so lucky, he buys stock in Smirnoff in gratitude for affording him that experience.
So in the end what will we learn from the past year and what do we have to look forward to in 2012?
Well, we learned that we are still miles away from the utopia that many sci-fi writers of the 50s & 60's assumed we would be in; yet we are also not in the post-apocalyptic world (so far) that the same genre writers of the 70's & 80's predicted we'd be. No pre-flip out Mel Gibson running around shooting random "mutants" yet no young, hot Jane Fonda flying around in her "love pad" UFO dropping trou with every passer by either.... *sigh*
Bottom line, we are what we are. A flawed world which seems to be creating a bigger rift in humanity & prosperity than we are of closing it. The amazing part of humanity is; we still have dreams that the new year will bring change for the good.
Dreams are good. They prove we can still imagine (hear that Hollywood? Maybe you should try it) Some come true; some even change the world yet some become nightmares (looking at you Hollywood!) But the fact that we still dream and by proxy hope, leaves a small glimmer that maybe, just maybe naughty girls need love t.... err um, maybe one of these years we will finally be able to look back and say: We finally did it! Not this year though.... It's an election year ;) Happy New Year Everyone
Three things are certain to happen over the next 48 hours:
1) People will look back on 2011 and scour over the years good and bad events like Marla Gibbs cleaning George Jefferson's stove, sassy insults included
2) People will inevitably make a resolution to improve upon something in their life that goes the way of Cop Rock & probably as quickly
3) Some schmuck will inexplicably hit one out of the park and wakes up New Years day next to a woman so far out of his league that he feels so lucky, he buys stock in Smirnoff in gratitude for affording him that experience.
- Sidebar: She wakes up, confused, nauseous and swearing off vodka for her resolution (see #2 above)
So in the end what will we learn from the past year and what do we have to look forward to in 2012?
Well, we learned that we are still miles away from the utopia that many sci-fi writers of the 50s & 60's assumed we would be in; yet we are also not in the post-apocalyptic world (so far) that the same genre writers of the 70's & 80's predicted we'd be. No pre-flip out Mel Gibson running around shooting random "mutants" yet no young, hot Jane Fonda flying around in her "love pad" UFO dropping trou with every passer by either.... *sigh*
Bottom line, we are what we are. A flawed world which seems to be creating a bigger rift in humanity & prosperity than we are of closing it. The amazing part of humanity is; we still have dreams that the new year will bring change for the good.
Dreams are good. They prove we can still imagine (hear that Hollywood? Maybe you should try it) Some come true; some even change the world yet some become nightmares (looking at you Hollywood!) But the fact that we still dream and by proxy hope, leaves a small glimmer that maybe, just maybe naughty girls need love t.... err um, maybe one of these years we will finally be able to look back and say: We finally did it! Not this year though.... It's an election year ;) Happy New Year Everyone
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Truth & Karma
I take a lot of heat for what is deemed as a mean spirited or negative stance when it's simply just me being honest & outgoing with my thoughts, opinions and advice. Most of the time what I speak, write or post is not negative nor intended as such; it simply is what it is and gets misconstrued as negative for reasons only those who think it is can explain. The vast majority of the time when I post something, it is intended to be taken as humor, but there are times I speak freely & honestly from my heart, like now.
There are people in this world that are users and for the life of me I can not understand 1) how they can be so devious 2) how they always seem to skirt the consequences & come out as the victim 3) how they sucker good people in to believing and comforting them and 4) should I feel bad that/when karma bites them that I feel a sense of gratification?
Without getting in to specific details, such a scenario as posted above has happened of late to someone I was once bitten by & I'm torn with this sense of joy that they finally got what's coming to them as well as a sense of feeling bad, not for them personally, but that someone, anyone is going through a rough patch, especially in the holiday season.
Most people just (and only want to) see the exterior of the people they know, especially in a social media setting and far too often we are guilty of considering those people (true) friends with all the benefits that come with said title easily bestowed upon them, when in fact they are nothing more than acquaintances. I freely admit I've done that. Sure, they are there to console you, tell you what you want to hear or comfort you, that's part of the magic of social media.
A while ago, I gave up a vast amount of "friends" because of an incident that occurred to me via an ill conceived notion of a long-distance social media connection that turned out to be (for me) nothing more than a plot to use. Whether I'm seeing that as fact or just seeing it as the scorned is irrelevant to the argument because the truth of the matter is, underhanded and preplanned acts where taken that were never publicly shared with online and attending "friends" that in turn caused me to look in a defiant, angry mindset and by association assumed I was a "bag guy" I could go in to detail on how the chain of events actually occurred but there is really no point. In the end, I am glad it all happened. There were those who (I believe) saw what went down as it actually happened & they are are still in my online life; while those who bought "the story" are not. The only thing that still pains me are those in my physical life that still associate with that person, albeit on rare occasions; and still to that, I fully respect their decisions to do so because I know people do not take things a personal as I do.
Should I feel bad that circumstances have caused the above person grief? I don't know, but I do not. I don't wish any ill will toward anyone yet I'm a firm believer that in life, without lessons or should I say "having to eat crow" on occasion is the only way you can grow, mature or evolve as a person. I don't feel joy or pride they are getting their comeuppance for what they did to me personally; I don't feel a sense of schadenfreude for their misfortune but rather a glimmer of happiness that they may possibly learn that they can not treat people as they have & not expect karmic retribution which would hopefully in turn cause them to cease being the conniving person they had been.
Sometimes it takes a while, but I will continue to believe that the people that use others will, themselves be used by another. It is at that precise moment they must either take their medicine and come out of it a better person, or they will continue to use and one by one lose every person they hold dear to them until finally it comes down to being just them, and a reflection in a mirror.
Finally, a piece of advice to everyone: If you're in a relationship, things couldn't be going better, you're as happy as can be and out of nowhere you get asked "Do you lie?" followed by things immediately turning south: Take heed, because something is up.
There are people in this world that are users and for the life of me I can not understand 1) how they can be so devious 2) how they always seem to skirt the consequences & come out as the victim 3) how they sucker good people in to believing and comforting them and 4) should I feel bad that/when karma bites them that I feel a sense of gratification?
Without getting in to specific details, such a scenario as posted above has happened of late to someone I was once bitten by & I'm torn with this sense of joy that they finally got what's coming to them as well as a sense of feeling bad, not for them personally, but that someone, anyone is going through a rough patch, especially in the holiday season.
Most people just (and only want to) see the exterior of the people they know, especially in a social media setting and far too often we are guilty of considering those people (true) friends with all the benefits that come with said title easily bestowed upon them, when in fact they are nothing more than acquaintances. I freely admit I've done that. Sure, they are there to console you, tell you what you want to hear or comfort you, that's part of the magic of social media.
A while ago, I gave up a vast amount of "friends" because of an incident that occurred to me via an ill conceived notion of a long-distance social media connection that turned out to be (for me) nothing more than a plot to use. Whether I'm seeing that as fact or just seeing it as the scorned is irrelevant to the argument because the truth of the matter is, underhanded and preplanned acts where taken that were never publicly shared with online and attending "friends" that in turn caused me to look in a defiant, angry mindset and by association assumed I was a "bag guy" I could go in to detail on how the chain of events actually occurred but there is really no point. In the end, I am glad it all happened. There were those who (I believe) saw what went down as it actually happened & they are are still in my online life; while those who bought "the story" are not. The only thing that still pains me are those in my physical life that still associate with that person, albeit on rare occasions; and still to that, I fully respect their decisions to do so because I know people do not take things a personal as I do.
Should I feel bad that circumstances have caused the above person grief? I don't know, but I do not. I don't wish any ill will toward anyone yet I'm a firm believer that in life, without lessons or should I say "having to eat crow" on occasion is the only way you can grow, mature or evolve as a person. I don't feel joy or pride they are getting their comeuppance for what they did to me personally; I don't feel a sense of schadenfreude for their misfortune but rather a glimmer of happiness that they may possibly learn that they can not treat people as they have & not expect karmic retribution which would hopefully in turn cause them to cease being the conniving person they had been.
Sometimes it takes a while, but I will continue to believe that the people that use others will, themselves be used by another. It is at that precise moment they must either take their medicine and come out of it a better person, or they will continue to use and one by one lose every person they hold dear to them until finally it comes down to being just them, and a reflection in a mirror.
Finally, a piece of advice to everyone: If you're in a relationship, things couldn't be going better, you're as happy as can be and out of nowhere you get asked "Do you lie?" followed by things immediately turning south: Take heed, because something is up.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
What's been and what's to come....
Well, we enter the final year of our existence (according to the Mayan calender) and I must say.... This society is really going out with a bang. Greed, hunger, in-fighting, disease, war, religious insecurity, gout, ketchup in packet form at your local grocery store, infidelity, backstabbing, generational gaps, political strife & network TV continuously giving Rob Schneider opportunities. We certainly have become enlightened in our 4000 years or so as a sentient species, haven't we?
Sometimes I laugh at sci-fi shows when they say "humanity has evolved past... all of the aforementioned stuff" Maybe I'm just missing it, but frankly I don't see it. If anything, we're devolving. Hell, cavemen fought with other cavemen for the simple fact that one tribe killed a water buffalo & didn't want to share the meat spoils with the other that had domain over the drinking pond because they didn't want to share.... Wait! Am I talking about now?
Anyway, my point is, stop paying good money putting Rob Schneider on TV networks, his 15 minutes ended with copy machine guy... err um, I mean with the political season kicking in to high gear, we will start hearing all the bull shit from candidates (on both sides, so back off Carville) about how this is broke and that is flawed and if you vote for me, I'll fix it. Well, I'm sorry but from an aliens prospective looking down from space, this world probably looks irrevocably broken & they are just waiting to swoop down and scoop up the spoils; Then again they'd have to buy it off the Chinese, they own it all now anyway, don't they?
So is the Mayan calender end date prophetic? Or does it stop next year because their calender maker died & he was too stubborn to train a replacement, leaving no one to make new calenders because the Mayans where cutting jobs & he certainly didn't want to train some young buck so they could push him out the door of early retirement which brought with it a pay cut, loss of benefits & the inevitable meeting with Kisin, the Mayan god of death? Sound familiar?
Who knows, but this world of today is certainly technologically advanced but our mental maturity certainly leaves a lot to be desired. Spiritually, socially and humanely we have a long way to go in a mere 12 months, when the Mayan calender ends to prove ourselves to the guy who has the new calenders that allows time to continue. Then again maybe in December 21st, 2012 we all meet Mr Atoz, (yes, a Star Trek TOS reference) select a moment in history to hop in the atavachron and time travel back to that point to live out our days because this world is over. Or maybe, that is just the date for yet another unfunny Rob Schneider sit-com to debut? And truly then, the world ends. Who knows?
Regardless, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, A joyous Kfjhe7xg (didn't want to exclude anybody) everyone.... Here's hoping 2012 is the start of something special, for all of us & not an end to it all.
Sometimes I laugh at sci-fi shows when they say "humanity has evolved past... all of the aforementioned stuff" Maybe I'm just missing it, but frankly I don't see it. If anything, we're devolving. Hell, cavemen fought with other cavemen for the simple fact that one tribe killed a water buffalo & didn't want to share the meat spoils with the other that had domain over the drinking pond because they didn't want to share.... Wait! Am I talking about now?
Anyway, my point is, stop paying good money putting Rob Schneider on TV networks, his 15 minutes ended with copy machine guy... err um, I mean with the political season kicking in to high gear, we will start hearing all the bull shit from candidates (on both sides, so back off Carville) about how this is broke and that is flawed and if you vote for me, I'll fix it. Well, I'm sorry but from an aliens prospective looking down from space, this world probably looks irrevocably broken & they are just waiting to swoop down and scoop up the spoils; Then again they'd have to buy it off the Chinese, they own it all now anyway, don't they?
So is the Mayan calender end date prophetic? Or does it stop next year because their calender maker died & he was too stubborn to train a replacement, leaving no one to make new calenders because the Mayans where cutting jobs & he certainly didn't want to train some young buck so they could push him out the door of early retirement which brought with it a pay cut, loss of benefits & the inevitable meeting with Kisin, the Mayan god of death? Sound familiar?
Who knows, but this world of today is certainly technologically advanced but our mental maturity certainly leaves a lot to be desired. Spiritually, socially and humanely we have a long way to go in a mere 12 months, when the Mayan calender ends to prove ourselves to the guy who has the new calenders that allows time to continue. Then again maybe in December 21st, 2012 we all meet Mr Atoz, (yes, a Star Trek TOS reference) select a moment in history to hop in the atavachron and time travel back to that point to live out our days because this world is over. Or maybe, that is just the date for yet another unfunny Rob Schneider sit-com to debut? And truly then, the world ends. Who knows?
Regardless, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, A joyous Kfjhe7xg (didn't want to exclude anybody) everyone.... Here's hoping 2012 is the start of something special, for all of us & not an end to it all.
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